How You See Me
by dnalalal
Summary: Spike deals with Buffy's return from beyond the grave while Buffy deals with something much worse... S/B -- my 1st Buffy fic
1. Chapter 1

How You See Me  
Chapter 1  
  
----  
  
"So the slayer's back then is she?"  
  
"Ya huh, I thought you'd be a little more excited than that Spike!" Dawn humphed, crossing her arms over her chest.  
  
"Sorry 'Bit,", he lit his cigarette and took a long drag, "I just can't seem to work up the energy to care." He blew the smoke into her face.  
  
"Spike!" Dawn started to cough and waved the smoke away. "Smoke kills you know.."  
  
"And so do I. Now 'Bit, I think you missed my subtle hint that I am tired and you should leave. 'Sides, don't you want to be home with your freshly undug sister?"  
  
"Of course I do!", Dawn snapped a little to quickly, "I just thought you should know, obviously you don't care though."  
  
Spike didn't flinch; he just sat and watched her.  
  
"Well, are you going to leave or not pet?"  
  
"Right..", Dawn jumped off the stone ledge she had been sitting on and made her way to the crypt's door.   
  
"Tell the slayer I said 'hello'"  
  
Dawn spun around. "Why don't you tell her yourself? I know you want to!"  
  
"Dawn, please, I've moved on."  
  
"No you haven't, maybe you'd gotten over her death Spike, and shut down those feelings because they were useless without her here..but she's back now!"  
  
"Well la di da for her.." Spike muttered.  
  
"You don't just fall out of love. I may not be the extreme expert on this stuff but that much I know. Sheesh, how long has Angel been gone and Buffy still runs out to meet him the minute he calls."  
  
"Angel?"  
  
"Yeah, Willow told Cordy about Buffy and Angel wanted to see her. She's gone to meet him."  
  
"Just how long has Buffy been back Dawn?"  
  
"Oh um..", Dawn looked around uncomfortably, "Not long."  
  
"Bloody hell, and no one was planning on telling me? They want me to just burst into your house one day and come across her?!"  
  
"Spike, everyone was just so shocked that she's back.."  
  
"..that they didn't even think to tell me. I know, same old song, 'why bother telling Spike, he's just a soulless unfeeling vampire'."  
  
"That's not what I meant Spike, we've just been so busy taking care of Buffy and I know you have feelings!"  
  
"Taking care of Buffy? What's wrong then?"  
  
"Well Buffy says nothing, but we know better."  
  
"Know better than the slayer?"  
  
"She's kinda in shock I guess. Willow says it'll pass, we just need to show her how much we care about her."  
  
"Be the friggin' Brady Bunch that you are."  
  
"Well anyhow, maybe Angel can help her.." Dawn ventured, seeing how her comments about Angel had sparked that look in his eyes before.  
  
That look. The one he tried to deny, the one of sadness, and hurt, and love. The one that let Dawn know he was far from over Buffy.  
  
"That bloody poof couldn't help a blind man cross the street. How could he help her?"  
  
Dawn shrugged. "He has a way with her I guess.."  
  
"A turning psychopathic way!" Spike snapped.  
  
"I didn't say he was going to have his way with her..I just meant that he understands her..like we can't."  
  
"He knows nothing about the slayer..all he knows is how to hurt her! He doesn't understand her like.."  
  
"Like what Spike?" Dawn asked, feigning innocence.  
  
"Goodnight 'Bit, scurry home now before the sun sets." Spike said, quickly dismissing her.  
  
Dawn bit her lip. "Buffy'll be home by now."  
  
"And I'm sure she'll want to see her little precious so you better hurry up."  
  
Dawn turned to go and then lingered in the doorway. She turned back to Spike and he could read the fear written openly across her face. It was an expression he used to love to see. But not now, not on Dawn.  
  
"What is it luv?"  
  
Tears began to make their way down Dawn's face and she just stood there, staring up at Spike in all her innocence.  
  
"Oh bloody hell, this is just what I need. What is it 'Bit? Do you want me to walk you home or something?"  
  
"She's not the same anymore Spike..I think..I..I.." Dawn stuttered and then her words were lost amongst her sobs.  
  
As much as Spike wanted to tell her to get her whiny self lost, as the old Spike would do, he couldn't. That wasn't him anymore and no matter how he longed for that carefree simplistic life, he'd never live it again.  
  
He patted the spot next to him on the bench and Dawn was soon beside him, collapsed in his arms, as had been the case at least once a week since Buffy had died.  
  
"It's alright Dawn, everything is alright. Big Bad's here.." he soothed, stroking her hair.  
  
"So what's the problem 'Bit?" Spike asked when her sobs had died down.  
  
"Buffy..she's not the same anymore Spike.."  
  
"Well of course not, she's been dead and back."  
  
"But she's so cold Spike. She never smiles or laughs and she won't talk to anyone about what happened. It's like she shut down."  
  
"Dawn,", Spike cupped her chin and forced her to look up at him, "Things will never been the same for her, she died and that's not something to be taken lightly. Give her some time though, she has a lot to deal with right now I'm sure."  
  
Dawn nodded and buried her head back in his chest to let out the last of her tears.  
  
----  
  
'That's right.', he thought as he lay in bed later on, staring at the rocky ceiling, 'She has a lot to deal with, she doesn't need to deal with me. That bloody poof is too selfish to leave her be and let her get her bearings, but I'm not going to rush in and throw myself at her.'  
  
As much as he wanted to deny it, he knew deep inside that he still had feelings for Buffy, but he was never going to let them surface again, never going to let himself be exposed like that again. Exposed just so she could take his delicately mending heart and shatter it once again.  
  
Hearing that she was back had almost been too much, but he'd played it cool. Played it right. He couldn't let her be his weakness again.  
  
Then the thought of seeing her again snuck its way into his mind and it was nearly his undoing. To see those big, hazel eyes, that had become so full of trust as of her last days..to see how they would turn to hatred when they set upon him. The one who had not been there for her. The one who could have stopped it all but failed. He didn't think he could take it.  
  
And to smell her, oh to smell her sweet scent..  
  
He shook the thoughts from his mind unsuccessfully and eventually fell into a fitful sleep.  
  
TBC... 


	2. Chapter 2

How You See Me  
Chapter 2  
  
----  
  
"Dawn! Where have you been??" Willow exclaimed the minute she walked through the door.  
  
Dawn shrugged.   
  
"It's no biggie, I'm home before sunset aren't I?"  
  
"We've been worried." Willow said, tilting her head to gesture towards a not very worried looking Buffy who was sitting on the couch. "You're supposed to call if you're going somewhere after school."  
  
"I forgot." Dawn lied, "There wasn't a phone where I was anyway." She wandered into the living room and sat beside her sister.  
  
"Buffy..how was your trip?"  
  
Buffy turned to look in her direction, but seemed to stare right through her. She attempted a smile.  
  
"Good..it was a, um, good trip.." She paused, deep in thought; it was almost as though she was searching for the proper type of response, as though she had forgotten how to act. "Um, so where were you that didn't have a phone."  
  
Dawn's eyes grew wide and she looked to Tara and Willow for help.  
  
"Um, well..actually.."  
  
"Dawn?"   
  
"IwasatSpike'scrypt." Dawn mumbled.  
  
"What?"   
  
Willow tried to intervene.  
  
"So Buffy, hungry? It looks to be about the hour of eating."  
  
"Huh? Oh, yeah sure Will..what was that you said Dawn?"  
  
Dawn wrinkled her nose.   
  
"I went to see Spike."  
  
A heavy silence descended on the room as they all watched and waited for Buffy's response. They hadn't mentioned the vampire's name since Buffy'd been back for fear of upsetting her.  
  
She tensed up noticeably at the mention of the name.  
  
Spike. She'd tried to keep him out of her thoughts but he was always there, sitting, waiting in the shadows. That was typical of him. She'd been wondering what happened to him, no one had said anything and she'd found herself feeling sad at the thought that he might have skipped town while she was gone. She would have asked about him if it hadn't been for the fear that her questions may be misinterpreted.  
  
But now, with the mention of his name, she wished he had.   
  
Things were already complicated enough.  
  
"Spike." She breathed, and then mentally shook herself. "How is he?"  
  
Dawn grinned. "Good. Bitter and snappy as usual. He says 'hi'."  
  
"Oh." That was it; he'd sent his greetings through Dawn? Somehow she'd expected more.  
  
Dawn took in her sister's disappointed face and started to embellish a bit. "He just found out you were...y'know..back and all, and um, he was really glad and..well he's busy, but he said he'd stop by soon."  
  
"Oh well, I'm kinda glad he's stayed away..there's reasons why the welcoming wagon never recruits people like him.." Buffy recovered quickly and began to play the indifferent role.  
  
She was indifferent wasn't she? Of course, it was Spike for God's sake. The chipped vampire that'd sometimes helped them out for kicks. Those feelings before..that was just more of her muddled head. Would it ever clear completely?  
  
But then he was also the same Spike that'd let himself get tortured without ever giving Dawn's identity away, and risked his life to save Dawn...and her..and the world.  
  
"Earth to Buffy?"  
  
"Oh sorry.."  
  
----  
  
Buffy mindlessly passed the stake back and forth from one hand to the other. She stepped softly through the cemetery, her senses peaked.  
  
It was amazing how in the slayer sense her mind hadn't been muddled at all, yet when it came to being Buffy random thoughts were floating all over the place in no logical order and unexpected emotions surfaced quickly and then were subdued again just as fast. It was like her own feelings were toying with her, taking her up slightly, and then dropping her down..and down..until she was suffocating in their onslaught.  
  
She heard a twig snap off to her right and snapped her head around to peer into the darkness. A hedge was separating her and whatever creepy crawly was haunting the cemetery this late at night.  
  
She quietly made her way to the edge of the hedge and waited breathlessly, listening. There was no sound.  
  
She decided to make the first move; after all, she would have the element of surprise. She raised her stake and rounded the corner only to have someone jump out from the other side of the hedge.  
  
They froze, their stances identical, wooden stakes raised and ready. Her eyes met his icy blue ones and in a rush she realized who it was.  
  
"Spike." Her arm dropped limply to her side.  
  
"Slayer.." he whispered, arm still raised, body taunt. He stared as if mesmerized.  
  
TBC... 


	3. Chapter 3

How You See Me  
Chapter 3  
  
----  
  
"What are you doing out here?"   
  
He snapped out of it and lowered his arm. What kind of a question was that? She had been dead for three months and she wants to know what he's doing out here. What ever happened to 'It's nice to see you.'?  
  
"Patrolling. Y'know, I'm the big bad now, with my super strength and all. You haven't exactly been up for the job as of late."  
  
"Excuse me for being dead!" Buffy snapped.  
  
Spike sighed.  
  
"Look Slayer, that's not what I meant. Just answering your question is all."  
  
The two of them stood there searching for something to say, but nothing sensible came to mind.  
  
Spike's eyes roamed over her, she looked the same, just as cute as she'd always been.  
  
And just as untouchable.  
  
"Well I'm here now..so you can go."  
  
"Right then, I won't be in your way again." He brushed past her and headed in the direction of his crypt.  
  
"Spike..wait." She called after him.  
  
He stopped in his tracks but didn't dare turn around. Tears had welled in his eyes and he wasn't sure that he could keep them back.  
  
"I just wanted to say..um, thanks for taking care of things..y'know, patrolling, and Dawn.."  
  
"I do good by my promises, I swore to protect her till the end..and I will."   
  
"Well, thank you, it helps to put my mind at ease."  
  
"A bloody pleasure pet." He growled and continued on his way home leaving a surprised Buffy. She'd thought he would have taken it a bit differently..maybe even in the back of her mind she'd wanted him to declare his love for her again.  
  
Something about knowing that Spike would always be there to back her up had been a great comfort to her before and right now it was the sort of comfort she was in dire need of.  
  
Granted she didn't share his emotions, or what used to be his emotions..she wasn't sure how he felt now, but he was the only one, besides Dawn, who she felt she could trust. No matter how many times she told herself the people around her were her friends, she couldn't help but think their reasons for bringing her back were purely selfish and not one cared enough to try and understand her. Even if Spike was up to something she could trust him to tell her straight up.  
  
She bit her lip as a lone tear made it's way down her cheek; it was only the second time she'd been able to cry since she'd been back.  
  
She sat on a nearby tombstone and hung her head, letting the tears come freely.  
  
She didn't hear the soft footsteps behind her and was too surprised to make a decent attempt at fighting back when one strong hand clamped over her mouth and an arm locked around her chest, pinning her arms to her sides...  
  
----  
  
Her slave. Her puppy. Following her wherever she went. Taking care of her, protecting her.  
  
Yes he knew she trusted him. At least that was something. He hadn't seen the hate he'd feared in her eyes..but that could have simply been because everything had happened so fast and she had never realized what a failure he truly was. So until she knew the truth she would trust her sister's life with him, and at times even her own. But would she trust her emotions with him, her heart? Never.  
  
He was far too below that.  
  
He growled and punched a tree in passing.   
  
Well if all she wanted was a bodyguard then that's all he'd give her. None of that sappy nonsense from before.  
  
If she ever wanted anything more from him, which he at times doubted, and at other times was sure she would, she would have to live without it.   
  
He had given her his all and she'd denied him even a crumb of hope. Well she wasn't the only one who could lock her heart away.  
  
----  
  
"Where's Buffy?" Xander asked. "Isn't it, y'know, past the vampire's bedtime?" He grabbed one of the donuts and shoved a chunk of it into his mouth.  
  
"I don't know.." Willow said, with a worried look on her face.  
  
"It's not like Buffy to.." Tara began, but then stopped herself remembering that this wasn't the same Buffy as they'd all known.  
  
"Maybe she ran into Spike and.." Dawn piped up before she was quickly cut off.  
  
"Dawn!"  
  
"What?? I was just going to say there was a big monster or something and it was an all nighter.."  
  
"Maybe..We can ask him."  
  
"Maybe she just wanted some time to herself.." Willow mused.  
  
They all nodded in agreement, but in the back of their minds they were all worried that it might have been something worse.  
  
Not one of them would voice their fears though, Buffy had only just gotten back and they couldn't bear to loose her again. It couldn't be possible that something terrible had happened, they had already had their share of terrible things...Buffy had already had her share.  
  
It wouldn't be fair.  
  
TBC... 


	4. Chapter 4

How You See Me  
Chapter 4  
  
----  
  
Author's Note:  
Egad! Spike & the Buffster had a little sex this week eh? Yikes! Can't wait to see next week..  
  
I don't know why I've avoided fanfiction.net for so long! This is great - instant feedback. I was skimming through some Buffy fics when my fingers got itchin' to write..I wasn't really planning on finishing/continuing this story but everybody who's reviewed has changed my mind. Thanks!  
  
Just wanted to say that although this is my first Buffy fic, it isn't my first fic. I've been writing..dare I say it?..Backstreet fiction for ages now, but Buffy fics are a whole different thing. Um, somebody mentioned I should give a timeline (BTW: I hear all this talk about the 'Buffyverse' but I'm still clueless..could someone please drop me a line and do a little explaining as to what that is?)..so here I go: Basically everything up till "The Gift" is the same. Beyond that, Willow did the spell and poof..there's Buffy, but that's it, everything from then on came/comes from my overactive imagination..  
  
That's all for now..ciao!  
  
----  
  
"Spike?" Dawn shoved the heavy door with all her might, it'd been getting sticky lately and Spike hadn't seemed to care enough to do anything about it, he hadn't seemed to care much about anything.  
  
'Serves him right if he gets stuck in this dump for eternity.', she thought to herself.  
  
"Bloody hell 'Bit!" Spike yelled, dodging the long rays of sunlight that had spilt into his crypt. He brushed past Dawn and slammed the door shut.  
  
"Oh...."  
  
"Yeah well don't get too worked up over just about frying me luv!"  
  
"Sorry." Dawn mumbled.  
  
"'Sorry' she says..", Spike grumbled, "In case you didn't know 'Bit, we vampires..as in me being a vampire, creature of the night and all..we go to bed right about now.."  
  
"Um..yeah.." Dawn peered into the darker corners of the room.  
  
"Dawn?"  
  
"Buffy's not here is she?"  
  
"What?!" Spike missed the tip of the cigarette he was lighting and the flame flickered under his finger, scalding him.  
  
"Bullocks!" he yelped, both his lighter and cigarette clattering to the ground.  
  
"..Spike?"  
  
"Why would the slayer be here?" Spike asked, on the defensive, while leaning over to pick up the dropped objects.  
  
Dawn shrugged and hopped up onto a nearby rocky ledge, her usual spot.  
  
Spike narrowed his eyes at her.  
  
"You don't know where she is then? She didn't come home last night?"  
  
"Aha! So then you do know where she is! How else would you know she went out at all?"  
  
"Let's not bound to conclusions pet, yes I saw her, for a grand total of two sodding minutes. She was in my cemetery round about eleven thirty, but I don't have the slightest inkling where she would be now."  
  
"Oh.." Dawn frowned, "She didn't say where she was going?"  
  
"Not a whisper, she said she'd take care of the things that go bump in the night and I said that was alright by me and then we went our separate ways."  
  
"Swear it?"  
  
Spike rolled his eyes.  
  
"Yes 'Bit. I swear to it on my mother's grave."  
  
"That doesn't count..you probably killed your mother."  
  
"I did not! Give me some credit!"  
  
Dawn just stared at him, daring him to prove her wrong.  
  
"Fine..alright, and I don't regret it either. She was always nagging at me. 'William do this..William do that..' Even after I gave her a look at my game face!"  
  
"Spike!" Dawn made a face.  
  
"God, you are all alike. You assumed in the first place that I killed her, then when I go ahead and admit to it you pretend like it's the most shocking and disgusting thing you've ever heard. I'm sick and tired of it I am. Just leave me be Dawn." He sucked on his successfully light cigarette.  
  
"Spike, I.."  
  
"Sod off! Get out of here.."  
  
"But..Buffy.."  
  
"The slayer can take care of herself. She doesn't need anyone, much less a pathetic neutered vampire trying to chase her down when she chooses to be lost!"  
  
Dawn stood and collected her jacket and bag.  
  
"Fine then, I'll leave."  
  
"Thank God. It's about bloody time!" Spike stood and followed her to the door, making sure she left for good this time.  
  
"And don't think I don't know you should be in school right now. If Will ever found out you'd be near dusted. If I hear of you skipping any more classes.."  
  
"..blah blah blah..yes sir." Dawn threw the front door open, forcing Spike back into the shadows and out of lecture mode.  
  
"Bloody hell! There's no one with a worse bite than a Summers." he growled.  
  
And it was so true. Too true actually. It was Buffy's spunk that had drawn him to her in the first place. She'd always been able to match him, insult for insult, blow for blow.  
  
She gave him a challenge when no one else could and he was always up for a challenge.  
  
----  
  
"It's such a pity really..pretty young thing like you locked up in this dank old dungeon, waiting for her knight in shining armor.." The creepy old man ran his fingers across Buffy's cheek. She snapped her head away in disgust and shut her eyes, trying to erase the image of his face from her mind.  
  
He seemed human enough, in the sense of having two arms, two legs..regular facial features...but his skin was dry and cracking to the point of bleeding. It was all bumpy and scarred. Raw, red and irritated. His nose was long and crooked, as though it had been broken multiple times. And his eyes...  
  
"Oh God.." Buffy moaned, but it was muffled through the gag he'd shoved into her mouth.  
  
His eyes had a certain bird like quality..always wide and starring. It almost seemed as if he were seeing things he shouldn't be, things Buffy didn't ever want anyone to see.  
  
"It's ok to be afraid pretty girl. You have good reason." he chuckled and sat back in his plush chair.  
  
"You spend your life fighting monsters and now you have to rely on one, it must be tough, I really feel your pain.", the old man looked perplexed for a moment and then shrugged, "Actually..I don't, although I wouldn't mind causing you some more.."   
  
He picked up a long, shiny object from the tray beside him and held it up for inspection, then he glanced over at a wide-eyed Buffy and smiled his ugly smile.  
  
"Don't worry dear..it won't hurt....much."  
  
TBC... 


	5. Chapter 5

How You See Me  
Chapter 5  
  
----  
  
Author's Note:  
I know this is kind of drawn out, but I'm buying time because I really have no idea where I'm going with this story. Please stick with me though, feedback is always appreciated.  
  
----  
  
Spike swallowed and let the last drops of the liquor burn it's way down his throat. He contemplated the empty bottle for a moment and then hurtled it at the wall in frustration. It shattered with a crash and the tiny fragments joined those of bottles previous on the cold floor of the crypt.  
  
He didn't think he could stand it any longer. He hadn't been able to sleep since Dawn's visit, all the possible things that could have happened to Buffy ran through his mind, giving him no peace. He was sure something had happened to her. Unlike the Scoobies, Spike had long ago come to terms with the fact that life wasn't fair, and he knew that trouble followed Buffy like darkness followed light. He also knew that no matter what, Buffy wouldn't put her friends under any undue stress if she could help it. She was most unselfish person he had ever met, always putting others before herself and even under these circumstances he could imagine her thinking 'Yeah, so what if I died? Can't have Dawnie staying up and worrying about me all night just so I can have some alone time..'.  
  
But even so, he had vowed that he wasn't going to go searching for her like some pathetic puppy dog. He was determined to mind his own business and wait this thing out. Whatever it was. She could hold her own, hell, he'd never been able to kill her.  
  
At least that's what he'd vowed 7 hours earlier, but as daylight had rolled slowly by, seeming to take more time than ever before, he'd lost his resolve and now he was impatiently waiting the last 20 or so minutes before sundown. He was itching to be out there. To try and track her down, to pump his sources for information, to check the local baddie hangouts..Even if he ended up being of no help, at least he would be doing something. Just to do anything would relieve the tension that was building up in him from sitting around all day.  
  
----   
  
"She's not back yet?" Dawn asked needlessly. She already knew the answer from the sullen faces sitting around the table at the Magic Box.  
  
"I-I'm sure she'll be back soon Dawnie." Tara soothed.  
  
"Yeah..yeah, of course she will." Dawn smiled weakly.  
  
"So, how was school Dawn?" Xander asked cheerily, trying to lighten the mood.  
  
"Oh, boring..boringer and boringest. Y'know, the usual."  
  
"How about first period, that was history right? What'd you learn?" Willow asked, narrowing her eyes at Dawn.  
  
"Um, well, I learnt that..uh, the war of 1812 was in 1812! Who knew?"  
  
"Dawn! You skipped AGAIN, the school called, what's going on?"  
  
"It's not what you think..I know I promised not to cut any more classes but this was important.."  
  
"Apocalypse?" Anya asked eagerly.  
  
"Well, no."  
  
"Well then it couldn't have been that important."  
  
"I went to see Spike about Buffy."  
  
Willow sighed.  
  
"Dawn, think about it, Spike..vampire..anti-sunlight, he isn't going anywhere till sunset, you could have seen him after school." Xander stated.  
  
"Well I saw him after school yesterday and I got in trouble!" Dawn pointed out.  
  
"Maybe you should get the point that hanging out at Spike's is not cool."   
  
"Xander.", Willow interjected, "Dawn, I know you're worried about Buffy. And we all understand, but skipping school is not right and please let us know when you're going to see Spike ok?"  
  
Dawn nodded, "No more skipping, got it."  
  
"Did Spike know anything?"  
  
"No, he saw her last night but only for a bit, then she went off..."  
  
"I guess we better start looking into it..." Willow said. She sent a worried look, over Dawn's head, to Xander.  
  
He nodded. "Yeah. Dawn, how about I take you home so you can get started on your homework alright?"  
  
----  
  
Sundown. Finally. Spike stepped out of his lair and felt the frustration seep from his body. Just being able to leave the crypt eased his tension. It had been closing in on him all day, but now he was able to prowl the streets, go anywhere, do anything.   
  
He decided his first destination would be Willie's and was on his way there when five vampires stepped out of the bushes in front of him.  
  
Spike rolled his eyes.  
  
"Hurry up then, I have places to be."  
  
"You're not going anywhere tonight Spike."  
  
Spike chuckled. "You don't know how much my blood is boiling for a good fight right about now, too bad you're just a bloody sore in my side instead of an actual challenge."  
  
"You may find yourself eating your words. We're more of a challenge than you think."  
  
"Bullocks! You and what army?"  
  
"This army.."  
  
Spike's ears picked up a rustle behind him and when he turned to see what it was he froze in shock. Twenty or so more vampires had stepped out of the darkness, completely surrounding him.  
  
"Bloody hell.."  
  
TBC... 


	6. Chapter 6

How You See Me  
Chapter 6  
  
----  
  
Author's Note:  
Reruns, grr. Can I just say: if Joss ever gives Spike a soul or turns him human I will honestly boycott the show. Blah..how many stories with that theme have I read lately? Too many. Spike is turning into the calendar boy for the softer side of Sears!  
  
Anywho, I'm done ranting...for now...  
  
----  
  
Spike stumbled and put his hand against the cool brick wall to steady himself, but his arm gave out and he collapsed to the ground.   
  
He got onto one knee and attempted to rise. He coughed once. Twice. Suddenly he was coughing up blood. He leaned forward, his arms spread out in front of him, and let the dark red droplets fall to the ground. When he regained a certain amount of composure he drew his dirt-stained sleeve across his face to wipe the blood and slowly got to his feet again.  
  
From the one eye that wasn't swollen shut he managed to focus on his destination only a few feet ahead. He was almost there, he could make it.  
  
He took one slow, wobbly step, and then three quick ones, catching another wall just before his momentum became to fast for his sluggish, unsteady feet to keep up with. He stabilized himself and started off again.  
  
One step. Two. He braced himself against the wall again. He was just about there. Just as he thought he'd regained his balance his left leg gave out and he fell, he grabbed the wall on his way down and spun around falling headfirst, with a crash, through the front window of the 'Magic Box'.  
  
"Will? Harris?" he called out feebly. No answer. It was early, maybe they hadn't arrived yet.  
  
"Bullocks. Just my luck. What a bloody bunch of...Bloody hell! What is that sodding ringing?" He lifted his arm to cover his ear from the terrible ringing of the shop's alarm system but it only made it half way there before he passed out.  
  
----  
  
The click of the heavy metal door only made the pounding in Buffy's head worse. She didn't even bother to look up. Buffy already knew who had entered the room, the eerie vibes he sent off preceded him.  
  
She lay in the corner, curled up in the fetal position. Bruised and beaten but not yet broken. Her mind faded in and out, she couldn't remember how long she'd been there, how long it'd been since she'd eaten.   
  
What she wouldn't give to be back in the cemetery talking to Spike. If only she hadn't been so cold, maybe he would have stuck around, maybe this wouldn't have happened.  
  
If only's wouldn't get her anywhere. What she needed now was a real plan.  
  
"How are you doing my precious?" he crouched beside her, his long, black cape falling across her. She shrank farther into the corner.  
  
"Get away from me."  
  
"Aw, and I thought we were just becoming friends." The man sighed and straightened up.  
  
Buffy remained silent. She knew there was no point in wasting her energy verbally sparring with this lowlife. She waited for him to leave.  
  
"Pity, I had thought I might bring you some food. But, well, I just don't feel like it now."  
  
Buffy groaned, she needed that food. She needed to keep her strength up. Slowly she rolled over.  
  
"Please.." she pleaded, begging with her eyes as well.  
  
"Well..I suppose just a little." He motioned to someone out of her line of sight and then turned back to Buffy.  
  
"Bon apetit, mon cherie." He landed a sharp kick straight into her abdomen. Buffy doubled up, wrapping her arms around her stomach. She burst into a spasm of coughs and deep breaths, trying desperately to fill her lungs again.  
  
The man chuckled callously and then swept out of the room, nearly knocking over the minion that was bringing Buffy her meager portion of food. It would take her a while to feel up to eating it now.  
  
----  
  
"What happened?"  
  
"Are you ok?"  
  
"He should rest."  
  
"Is there anything I can get you?"  
  
Spike growled. "Sod off! All of you!"  
  
"Fine Spike, play that way. But just remember, you came to us. You're turning out to be the like the boy that called fox. Setting off my alarm system and everything." Anya humphed.  
  
"It's wolf honey." Xander corrected.  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"The boy..he called wolf."  
  
"Oh. Well. He should have called bunny!"  
  
Willow ignored the two and turned her attention back to Spike, who was sprawled across a stack of the practice mats in the back room. Dawn was sitting cross-legged at his head, she wouldn't let him out of her sight.  
  
"Spike, why did you come here?"  
  
"Buffy..she.." he glanced at Dawn, "She's in danger."  
  
"Wh-what?"  
  
"Look, it's alright 'Bit. She can handle herself. I just think it's best we break up the party soon."  
  
"What party?" Xander butted in.  
  
"The vamps that did this," Spike gestured at himself, "they left a message. A new power is in town. Well, an old one actually. Runs by the name of Herctide."  
  
"Herctide? I haven't heard of him.."  
  
"No..no you wouldn't. Man likes to keep a low profile. Isn't much for company. In fact, I doubt he's been topside in a century or two."  
  
"Well who is he? What does he want?"  
  
"How do we kill him?"  
  
"He's a priest of some God or other, I can't recall and it's not important. He's got the slayer and we're going to get her back."  
  
"Do you know what he wants from Buffy?"  
  
"Not the particulars about it, but I gather it has something to do with my being in love with her and all."  
  
TBC... 


	7. Chapter 7

How You See Me  
Chapter 7  
  
----  
  
Out of the darkness, traveling towards the "bad" part of Sunnydale, emerged two black clad figures, hauling a variety of artillery. There was enough space between the two to suggest that they were together purely on business, and the speed of their gait showed it was urgent.  
  
Xander stopped walking and turned to Spike, causing him to pause as well.  
  
"Explain it all one more time for the dull crayon."  
  
Spike rolled his eyes.  
  
"We're wasting time Harris."  
  
Xander nodded.  
  
"Right. Buffy. In danger. Gotcha." He began to walk again.  
  
"Good. Now as I was saying--"  
  
Suddenly Xander halted again.  
  
"Wait, tell me again why I'm here with you, a cold blooded murderer that massacred three hundred people within a matter of hours without even batting an eye?"  
  
"Because it's this cold blooded murderer who is the only chance you have at getting Buffy out alive. Besides, that was then and this is now. Can't even bite one lousy human much less massacre hundreds."  
  
"I thought you were oh so adamant that Buffy could take care of herself." Xander said, a worried note creeping into his voice.  
  
"And I've also called you mate but it doesn't bloody well mean I meant it. Wake up and smell the blood Harris. I was just trying to be elegant in front of the ladies, 'Bit especially, when I said that. Between us men, Herctide has the power to snap Buffy in half without even touching her. Her slayer powers mean nothing to him. Right now we are the only chance Buffy has so I would appreciate it if you would shut your bleedin' mouth, alright..mate?" He glared at Xander, who shrank back.  
  
There was a heavy silence while the seriousness of the situation, now exposed, sank in.  
  
"And how do you expect to stop him if Buffy can't?"  
  
"Simple. He has Buffy. We want Buffy and he wants me. Maybe you're too young to remember the days of bartering, but it's a fairly simple equation." Spike explained slowly, as if to a child.  
  
"Okay..and then you bust out with the demon face and Buffy does her bashing and I'll..well..yeah and we clear them out for good right?"  
  
Spike growled at Xander's eager expression and slow mind.  
  
"Wrong."  
  
"What?"  
  
"You grab Buffy and run like hell and Herctide does whatever he came here to do. Likely to be a good old fashioned staking. End of story. Then they clear out." Spike turned and started to walk again. Xander only followed him with his eyes.  
  
"Excuse me?"  
  
"That's right mate, say 'Bye bye' to ole'Spikey. Please wait a decent interlude before you throw a party." Spike threw over his shoulder.  
  
"Spike. I don't--"  
  
"No need to thank me."  
  
"But--" Xander jogged a few steps to catch up with the vampire.  
  
"C'mon, this is it, keep quiet."  
  
----  
  
"Are you sure we should be just sitting around here doing nothing while letting oh so trustworthy Spike dash off to save the day? He is so not knight-in-shining-armor'ishy!" Anya whined.  
  
"Anya please." Willow nodded her head towards Dawn, who was sitting, pretending to do her homework, but obviously eavesdropping on their conversation.  
  
"Right. I know. We're supposed to stay calm so that little Dawn stays calm. Xander explained it all." She nodded and then called over to Dawn, "Everyone is calm here Dawn. How about you? Feeling calm?"  
  
Willow moaned and turned helplessly to Tara.  
  
"Anya, I-I think we should just let Dawn be. Don't worry, Spike and Xander can take care of things."  
  
"Xander can't take care of anything. He's going to die. It will be all Spike's fault, as often things are..Isn't there a spell you could be doing?"  
  
"Listen," Willow interjected, "Spike knows this guy, he knows what he's about and how to get rid of him and oddly enough I trust Spike in this. He'll get Buffy, and Xander home safely."  
  
"It's kinda weird isn't it?" Dawn called out, and the three older women turned to her in surprise.  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"Well, y'know, how it's all 'Spike to the rescue' and it seems..natural?"  
  
Willow and Tara shared a look.  
  
"It's not..natural Dawnie, it's more of.." Willow began, but couldn't put her thoughts into words.  
  
"..a last resort?" Anya supplied helpfully.  
  
Dawn looked from one to the other.  
  
"C'mon guys, you aren't serious? I mean, Spike's been around all summer helping us out. ALL of us. If he hadn't been here I might..well..anyhow, are you honestly saying you haven't come to think of him as a little less demony and a little more..scoobyish?"  
  
"D-Dawnie, you can't forget that Spike i-is a demon. He doesn't get 'less' demony."  
  
"Yeah, we can't get dependent on him. We can take care of stuff ourselves. Like Anya said, 'last resort'. One day Spike'll get a little less chippy and then we won't be able to rely on him to fight our biggest threat. He'll BE our biggest threat!"  
  
"Spike's changed now." Dawn said, stubbornly.  
  
"No Dawn, really he hasn't. Don't put so much stock in him."  
  
Dawn slammed her textbook shut. "You don't know what you're talking about. You've never taken the time to understand him!" And with that she stormed into the back room.  
  
----  
  
Buffy stifled a groan as the hot poker slid its way down her bare arm.  
  
"Not screaming yet? Hmm, time to turn up the temperature then."  
  
She watched as he shoved the tip of the poker back into the fire pit, the reflection of the flames dancing in his eyes. And then those horrible pitless eyes were turned upon her and he grinned.  
  
"You'll scream for me soon slayer."  
  
"I may scream, but you'll never get whatever it is you want from me."  
  
"Won't I?" He titled his head to one side, " I think I will."  
  
"You'll never break me." She spat.  
  
He chuckled softly and pulled the poker out, eyeing it's steaming tip.  
  
"I never expected to, it's not you I need to break. It's him." He thrust the poker towards her, straight into her stomach. Within seconds it had burnt a hole through her shirt and was working on her flesh.  
  
Buffy gasped at the pain and tried to twist away, only making things worse for herself. The end of the poker rubbed across her exposed skin and she could smell the stench of burnt flesh.   
  
Suddenly the realization of what was happening hit her; she wasn't able to keep her cool any longer. She had no power against this cold-hearted man who seemed to relish in torturing her and her supply of hope was running out.  
  
She screamed.  
  
A smile spread across the old man's face.  
  
"That's my girl." He drew the poker back, giving her a momentary release.  
  
"I'm no one's girl."  
  
"No, you're not are you? You would never let that happen, never let them in. I understand. You see, you and I, we're a lot a like."  
  
Buffy snorted.  
  
"I've heard that before. I belong on the dark side, yada yada."  
  
"No, you're good. Sickeningly so. But we're as one in the line of keeping to ourselves. Let me guess," He stared into her eyes giving her that eerie impression that he was looking right into her again, "you prefer the pain of loneliness than that of the pain a lover can cause? Physical pain you can take, but emotional pain has you stumped because it's one you can't fight with your bare hands. Love exposes you, makes you vulnerable and you lose control. You can't fight that and you are a warrior, you need something to fight."  
  
Buffy didn't reply, but her silence was answer enough.  
  
The man's smile was softer now. "You'll learn soon enough that pushing them away makes it worse. There will be no one to come to your rescue. It's amazing after all you've put HIM through that he still comes for you."  
  
"Who?" Buffy's curiosity got the best of her.  
  
"The vampire of course."  
  
Buffy's heart skipped a beat, "Angel?"  
  
The man laughed, "Not him, never him. Spike."  
  
"..Spike..?"  
  
"Yes, I'd damn him to hell if he wasn't already heading there. That's what this is all about really. That vampire made an oath to me 100 years ago, we killed side by side. It was a wonderful partnership really. But now something's infected him, he has the ability to love; he'd rather help than hinder! He's offset the balance and I must have my revenge."  
  
"Spike."  
  
The man nodded and prodded her again with the poker out of boredom. It'd cooled some and Buffy could handle it.  
  
"You're wasting your time. Spike won't come after me."  
  
"Then you underestimate him my dear, for he's on his way as we speak."  
  
Buffy closed her eyes to squeeze back the tears that were threatening to fall. Silently she willed him not to come.  
  
She didn't want him to put his life out for her, she wasn't worth it. She'd rather die; she didn't want to be here anyway. Death would be a welcome interlude to the mental torment she'd be going through since she'd come back, and maybe this time it could be permanent.  
  
Although she'd told Spike, and herself, many times that he wasn't good enough for her, maybe it was the other way around. When she'd died he had stuck by Dawn, taking care of her no matter what. If the tables had been turned, would Buffy have even gone to give his crypt one last look? Probably not. He was coming to save her now, knowing full well of what this man was capable of. Had she ever saved his life just for the sake of saving his life? Never.  
  
The demon in him came nowhere close to the unfeeling, uncaring human in her. She was better off dead, if only this man wouldn't make it so slow and torturous.  
  
"He'll be here. Doesn't matter if you want or deserve him. You're his slayer whether you believe that or not."  
  
TBC... 


	8. Chapter 8

How You See Me  
Chapter 8  
  
----  
  
There was a lout pounding on the door. The old man smiled.  
  
"Ah, there he is now."  
  
Spike didn't wait for someone to open the door, he let the demon inside him take over and tore the door right off its hinges.  
  
Xander swallowed loudly and followed close behind the vampire into the darkened room.  
  
"Herctide, where are you hiding?" Spike growled.  
  
"Why hello there Spike." The low voice from the corner made Xander jump in surprise. They turned to see the old man sitting in a dark leather chair, with Buffy tied to a straight back wooden chair beside him.  
  
At the sight of her Spike's face morphed back into his human one.  
  
"A vampire in love, charming really."  
  
"I should kill you for what you've done to her."  
  
"Yes. You should."  
  
"But you'd kill me before I even got near you. Right then, pleasantries out of the way, I'm here you can let her leave."  
  
"So soon? But we were just starting to enjoy ourselves, weren't we darling?" He reached over and stroked Buffy's cheek tenderly. She was too far beyond pulling away.  
  
Spike growled.  
  
"Don't touch her, this isn't about her. Let her go."  
  
"Or what?"  
  
Spike took a few steps forward, his eyes on Buffy. Xander stayed by the door, making sure they'd have a way out when the time came.  
  
"Are you all right luv?"  
  
There was no reply.  
  
"Slayer please, can you walk?"  
  
"I-I think so."  
  
Spike couldn't take it anymore, she was there, in pain, and he needed to do something about it.   
  
He strode forward purposely but was halted after only a small space had been covered. His legs wouldn't move. Suddenly there was a sharp pain in his stomach that made him double over.  
  
"You should know better Spike."  
  
"Herctide, please..don't do this." Spike managed to choke out.  
  
Herctide squeezed his fist tighter, causing the pain in Spike's abdomen to become much more intense.   
  
Spike groaned and squeezed his eyes shut at the pain. When he opened them again they were pleading with Buffy for forgiveness.  
  
"..Spike?"  
  
His eyes rolled back and he collapsed.  
  
"Oh God." Xander moaned.  
  
"You better leave." The man said, without looking at him.  
  
Xander stepped forward, looking as though he were about to do the last thing in the world that he wanted to do.  
  
"No. I came for Buffy and I'm leaving with her."  
  
"Xander! For fuck's sake! LEAVE! Get Willow and Tara and find something!" Buffy yelled at him.  
  
"Oh, right..Bye!" He turned and bolted from the building.  
  
----  
  
"Spike?" Buffy poked at the unresponsive leather lump sprawled on the floor beside her.  
  
She sighed and leaned back against the wall when there was no reply once again. Whatever Herctide had done to him, he had done well.  
  
She lightly fingered the burn across her stomach and cringed with pain. Luckily it was the worst of it..so far. And this whole mess was Spike's fault.  
  
Surprise.  
  
Lying there on the floor he looked like any normal man, besides the fact that there was no gentle, rhythmic rise and fall of his chest. He looked like the kind of man who ate sloppy hot dogs at the baseball stadium, or the kind of man who hit on his secretary and sucked up to his boss. He looked like a regular man. But there was a horrible demon inside.  
  
She easily forgot all the thoughts she'd had earlier about being unworthy of his love. She'd only temporarily faced them, but now had fallen back into her usual pattern of making him out to be the bad guy.  
  
Buffy raised her eyes upwards, looking beyond the ceiling.  
  
"Thanks for the reminder."  
  
----  
  
The bell above the door to the Magic Box rang as Xander rushed inside, alerting the girls to his presence.  
  
"Xander?!"  
  
"Oh Xander! You're not dead after all!" Anya rushed over to him and threw her arms around him, but Xander ignored her completely.  
  
"..Willow, we gotta do something."  
  
"What happened?"  
  
Xander was about to reply when he noticed Dawn was missing.  
  
"Where is she?"  
  
"Who?"  
  
"Dawn."  
  
"Oh, she's in the back. We thought she should--"  
  
Xander was already flinging the door open and calling to Dawn to come join them.  
  
"Uh, w-we thought maybe we should keep her out of this." Tara advised.  
  
"Yeah. That's nice. And I think maybe we shouldn't let her out of our sight. This guy is looking to get revenge on Spike. He's already using Buffy to get to him, it won't be long before he realizes how much Spike cares for Dawn."  
  
"What about me?" Dawn asked, walking in. "You're back quick. Where's Spike and Buffy?"  
  
"Uh Dawn.." Xander glanced at the faces watching him intently, they all needed to hear what had happened. "Something's happened..This guy..he just..He's got Spike too."  
  
----  
  
"So just like that? He just stopped him in his tracks?" Willow asked curiously.  
  
"Yup. It was way freaky. The guy barely moved. And then Spike started groaning and grabbing his stomach and that's about when he passed out."  
  
"Hmm..Xander can you come here and look at this?" Willow asked, referring to the book she was reading.  
  
"Yeah.." Xander stood and went to take a step towards her but he couldn't. Fear shot through him.  
  
"Uh Will..I can't seem to, uh, move my, uh, legs.."  
  
Willow nodded, a light smile playing across her lips.  
  
"I know. This Herc-whatever guy isn't the only one with a few tricks up his sleeve."  
  
----  
  
Spike groaned, making Buffy jump. It was the first noise he'd uttered since he'd fainted.  
  
His eyes flickered open.  
  
"..Buff..?"  
  
"Mm hmm."  
  
He blinked a few more times and then pushed himself up into a sitting position. Memories flooded back.  
  
"Bloody hell."  
  
"Just about sums it up."  
  
"Are you all right Slayer?"  
  
The question caught her by surprise and she glanced over at him. Open concern was written across his face.  
  
"I'll survive." Her answer was short and bitter.  
  
Spike was silent for a moment.  
  
"I'll make him pay Buffy."  
  
Buffy smiled sardonically.  
  
"You wouldn't have to if you hadn't led him here in the first place."  
  
"You think I led him here on purpose?" Spike snapped.  
  
"What better way to get the two of us alone?"  
  
"Oh for..There you go, off on your high horse again, thinking I even want to get the two of us alone!"  
  
"Please Spike, you were practically drooling over me when you first walked in."  
  
"And ready to lay down my sodding unlife for you if you'd care to remember!"  
  
Buffy rolled her eyes.  
  
"Just leave me alone."  
  
TBC... 


End file.
